what an idiot!!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: foo fighters
ok well this is the post for both wednesday thursday and friday.....wow im behind! ok well wednesday i get in the car with caitlin, cathy and john. and caitlin looks pissed. i was like uh oh. but we gave her some alchohol and she got happy. so we went to On the Border.....it seems we always go to the places that i don't want to go to...grrrr! oh well after that we went to Stadium 11 to go see War of the Worlds. so went there and Brandon and Storm met up with us. good people. anyways the movie was dang good. it was a "hold me" movie though. so needless to say....me and caitlin held each other because it was dang suspenseful. i almost fell asleep in her arms....i got to watch that i know. so after that we went home and slept because it was late and we are way too old for that kind of thing;) apparently i was really freaked out by the movie because i slept ON caitlin...poor girl can't sleep normally....she puts up with a lot. so at around 10ish marggi calls and thats what pretty much woke us up. so we laid in bed and talked and joked around for awhile. then we got up and i accidentally threw a tennis ball at her face....oops! i was soooo not aiming for that. oh well...then we watched Anacondas,Hackers, and Bend it like Beckham.through the whole thing caitlin had told me that she needed to be home at 3 i was like sure thing i'll talk to cathy no prob. right? wrong! i forgot!!!! so a little after 3 marggi calls and was like we are leaving sorry....and caitlin just started crying...i was like NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! so i hugged her and told her i was sorry. but i mean how much can that help her in that situation. "ok thats great....i want my mommy!!" i felt like the biggest idiot ever. and i felt horrible....i mean if i was in that situation i would have shot caitlin. no one could keep me from my mom. anyways i went to the meeting and then i cried...stupid me....i cried about it for awhile at home but my mom brought it up at the meeting and i couldn't help it. so my mom and sis. flores followed me to the bathroom and talked to me and then we went back and i was like close to tears the whole night. but afterwards i got a big hug from caitlin and we were good again...until i came home and i found the sweetest email and i cried again and then i cried myself to sleep..i felt like a jerk. then i woke up this morning to a stupid phone call and then i sat around today and then i went to mom's house and saw Chris,Nadara,and Zonia...then i came back home and talked to Megan on the phone and we made plans to see each other Sunday. well i'm about to fall asleep right now.....gotta go
Superman

i love my best friend!!
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: Nickel Creek
alright well so i woke up this morning and i got the biggest hug ever this morning from my mom it was really nice. then i got dressed to go to my dr. appointment with DR. Tricamo they told me i was gonna be extremely sedated for the surgery which should be July 18. anyways i talked to my awesome best friend for most of the day and i don't know why right now but i'm totally loving her. beautiful girl....where is she anyways? gosh.....

uh oh!
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Soul Asylum
alright so something happened sometime swomehwere and it happened to us. so after some stupid companies didn't get their certain payments they wanna take our house away now. so we have to do something about that because none of this is our fault and we totally paid them. but who's gonna beleive us right? so it came down to this either my mom gets a second job or i get one and well the logical thing to do is for me to get one....so i stepped up.....i couldn't really sit on my butt for too much longer and let my mom do all the work and worry about this all by herself. well i've got cathy coming here a little before midnight to talk about employment oppurtunities. i might have her take me to go get a job application at a certain little place i know. oh boy i can't wait! anyways i might stop pioneering for a few months because i was thinking about it and if i stop now and then start up again in september than i can still get my year in and go to pioneer school. it works out perfectly. but we will just have to see how it goes....i'm trying to work nights so i can avoid that option. what kind of world is this when the children have to work to keep their homes? my mom broke down in the car she couldn't handle it anymore it got to her so she cried and that hurt a lot! i mean to see the strongest person i know break down was extremely difficult. thats when i knew that i would do whatever i had to to keep this family going and getting all the bills paid....all my paychecks will go straight to my mom so we can pay for this stupid house and they'll get off our backs. whats would hurt me the most would be telling the brothers that i have to step down for awhile. that and telling caitlin.....oh my gosh i just thought about her that is gonna be soooo hard to do. but i of course can't keep it from her. oh no! well i'm gonna go chill in my room and wait for caitlin to call me. maybe i'll tell her wednesday what my plans are. i know she'll understand it will just be extremely hard to admit what happened to us. but i'll keep my head up like always....adios burritos.

who's my girl?
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: Looking Glass
alright so friday night i had taco bell and went to bed because i knew if i didn't sleep i wouldn't go out in service and i totally needed the time...so saturday i go out in service and then i go to the Central Aquatics Center...i've been there once before...good memories! so we were there for awhile then i come home and get ready to go out with jen and brenda and jose. we decide to go to central market and listen to terry play in a band there. which was totally cool right? before we got there i was in the car with jen and i told her that caitlin was gonna be there and we talked about what to expect and blah blah blah. so we get there and for a good while i don't see my buddy..she was at the bookstore or something or other. well she shows up and apparently does not give jen the best look ever but she hugs me(yay!) well cait sits by me for a second and then goes somewhere else and i'm like oh thats cool totally and i watch her a little bit...not in a creepy way but in a i can't beleive she's back,she's prettier than i remember, i really want to talk to her sort of way. and she looked pissed i felt really bad but i didn't want to leave the group i was with because i knew i'd get some sort of crap from them for inviting them then leaving em. so i stayed where i was at. the thing is i don't care if caitlin was upset at me or at jen or with the situation i just wish caitlin would realize that i could never love anybody more than her (other than the guys that i have "loved" only because thats different)and i'm not gonna totally leave her because i made a new friend like 3 weeks ago or whatever because i wouldn't do that. maybe deep down she knows it. at least i hope so.

who?
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: The Used....no joke
alright so this is gonna be a crazy entry..CRAZY!!! so all day i sit at home and think about looking for the remote but i don't think i ever actually got up to look for it...lazy i tell you. well so its pretty much uneventful till meeting time. i get to the meeting and give my part...which by the way i thought went crappy but everyone else totally liked. apparently i'm an encouragement to the congregation. so during the local announcements Bro. T Flores says that Kyle is no longer a JW. totally breaks my heart. the tears were there buddy...but i had a part later so i couldn't break down then. anyways after the meeting rachel comes up to me afterwards and tells me that leila's cat,Charlie, died today. i was absolutely stunned!! then my family and alex,zak and colby. it was also sad because it was zak's last dinner with us. anyways throughout the night i would flirt a little and really to no one in particular but it had hit me that the 3 men i could see myself with are all no longer available to me. well guess who picks up on it all and actually goes with it? COLBY!!!!! the guys is like uhhhh 21 or 22. seriously man. i couldn't count how many times he said i looked great or how many winks i got..i admit i started those. so at the end of the night he asked me out 3 times...3!!! ok the first one i took as a joke right? he so couldn't be serious...the second one i kinda started wondering about and the third one i knew for sure was the real thing and what really made it clear for me is when he asked my mom!! she said no of course which was totally ok by me. so anyways i got colby's number and he got mine. not quite sure what that means. anyways so i parted ways with them all and i hugged zak....i almost cried then too. but anyways i am so sleepy and i have stuff to do tomorrow....so adios burrito.

when?
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: everything but the girl
alright well last night sometime the conversation with me and cait got really boring. i was close to suicide. no joke. anyways well i had felt for a long time that caitlin was holding something back from me and so i started to ask questions that i hoped would make her open up. well i finally just had to come out and say "i feel that you aren't telling me something" and well i got what i was looking for. i got 3 things out of the whole conversation 1. adam told caitlin he likes her 2. she is really crushing on some guy named luis and 3. she doesn't want me to go to waco and spend any kind of time there. so it was good timing on her part because it instantly made me more tired. there were soooooo many emotions going through my head. and sooooooo many things i could have said but i'm sure glad that i didn't becuase beleive me the many things that i wanted to say were so not cool. but i was good and i only let one slip through. well i got to say most of what i wanted to say to her. very thankful for that let me tell you. i talked to her on the phone today to clear up some stuff. and i told her pretty much that i don't have much trust in her promises...she didn't like that too much. and i told her that if this happens again the best thing to do(i think) would be to just leave this alone. we are both too young for this gay drama and we both know that. she tried to turn the whole thing back around on me and i almost lost it!! that pisses me off more than anything. but we talked about everything pretty much and i totally understand where she was coming from i guess. so in about 10 minutes i'm about to call and tell her good night and i love you. retarded you say? you don't even know the half of it

who?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: air conditioning count?
well i'm in a like never ending bad mood. first of all lets see like wednesday night i go out with caitlin like always right? well it was the worst time i've ever had...like when i didn't like her we've had better times. seriously. it was like she was giving off this disapproving vibe. my mom has that!!!! anyways i felt that i was doing something i shouldn't or that i wasn't doing something i should. it was horrible!!! but i got to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith in the middle of the whole thing...which by the way isn't half bad. well then we went home and went to bed there was like some conversation maybe in between the movie and sleeping but it was too boring to remember. i woke up at...well i dont even know and watched 2 of the gayest movies of all time. Charlie's Angels and Gone in 60 seconds...both of those sadly are caitlins choices. i almost shot myself!! yeah it was horrible. there is sooooooo much to write but i sooooo don't want to do it. so you'll have to guess about the rest.

huh?
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: Marcos Caminero
alright well...today was uh fun. sure. i like sat at home and read my new book from the convention i learned some new stuff surprisingly. well i decided to cook once again....i was soooooo scared!!!!! i just knew i was gonna die this time. luckily nothing happened but theres always the next time. so at about 4 i went to the doctors office for medicine..i waited 3 stinking hours!!! for 5 minutes of nothing gosh!! i came home and lost my family...found them....went out to eat.....did the bible reading.....and now...well now i'm here....surprise!! hahahaha well i had thought about going to hurricane harbor this week but my good buddy cait is sooo not into that stuff so i passed (i have done this two times this week mind you)there will be many many more opportunities this year. with or without her. i mean god i love that girl more than anything on this earth but its times like this where i wonder "how are we best friends?" i LOVE water and she's not. the list could actually go forever. but its all ok. as long as i get to hang out with her i probably won't even think twice about hurricane harbor anyways i'm jamming out to country now. yay!! i have tomorrow now to think about which i'll probably put it off to....well tomorrow. adios burrito

decisions! decisions!
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: something good!!
alright well...do i or do i not? the big decision....more later peace out!! lol!!!